Are you caring for your ailing spouse or life partner?
"In sickness and in health" Your ailing spouse or life partner needs your help. What should you do next?
As partners we care for each other and that can make it hard to distinguish between caring as a partner and caregiving for a partner. I think it’s important to make a distinction between the normal sharing and support that most spouses offer each other and the extra demands that come about because your family member has a serious illness or needs support because of aging issues.
This may sound like a play on words but it is important. Often times the needs of your partner may slowly increase, leaving you feeling stressed and tired without you or your spouse realizing how much the balance between your roles has shifted.
Here are 3 quick questions to help you identify that the balance has shifted between sharing responsibilities with you spouse into caregiving for your spouse.
- You are facing problems or concerns about your spouse and don’t feel that you can confide or consult with him/her about the issues the way you would have done in the past.
- You have taken on responsibilities that your partner used to handle. Are you now paying the bills when you didn’t before? Are you coordinating your spouse’ health care needs?
- You feel responsible for your spouse’s well being at a level you have not experienced before for example you are afraid to leave her alone or you must check in frequently when you are out.
If you have identified yourself as a caregiver as well as a spouse or partner, you should know:
You may be grieving your spouse’s losses, the changes in your relationship and the loss of dreams and plans you had for the future.
Listen to feedback from others when they suggest changes. They may have perspective that you lack because you are so close to the situation.
Find a supportive outlet for your feelings of loss that you may not feel you can share with partner.
Talk and plan with your spouse about how you will handle challenges that will come up in the future such as bring in help at home, getting help with tasks that your spouse used to perform and bigger issues such as how you will pay for needed care and end of life concerns. If your partner cannot or will not discuss these issues with you, start making plans for both of you.
Learn more about Eldercare Coaching by scheduling a no cost consultation.